You're not confused about what you want, you're avoiding what it costs

There's a conversation I've had three times this week, with three different clients, in three different ways, but it's the same conversation.

They know what they want. Clearer boundaries. A leadership role that doesn't require self-abandonment. Work that feels aligned instead of depleting. They can articulate it clearly. They've thought about it extensively. And yet, nothing changes.

It's not because they don't know the next step. It's because they're unwilling to be uncomfortable long enough to take it.

This week's insight:

The gap between wanting something and having it isn't usually about clarity or strategy. It's about your willingness to tolerate discomfort without retreating.

One client and I landed on this image: she's standing on one side of a bridge, looking at the other side where the life she wants exists. She knows how to get there; she can literally see the path. But instead of walking across, she's standing there describing how much she wants to be on the other side. Talking about how unfair it is that she's not there yet. Analyzing why the bridge looks so long.

Meanwhile, the bridge is right there. It's not complicated. It's just uncomfortable.

What came up across sessions this week: High performers who want transformation but aren't willing to stay in the discomfort long enough for it to take root. They know the conversation they need to have. They understand the boundary they need to set. But when it comes time to actually do it, when they feel the anxiety, the uncertainty, the fear of getting it wrong—they pull back.

The shift that helped: Realizing that discomfort isn't evidence of a mistake. It's evidence of growth. Your nervous system resists unfamiliar territory even when that territory is exactly where you're trying to go. The feeling of "this is hard" doesn't mean "this is wrong." It usually means "this is new."

This week: Alignment

Most people think alignment means everything flows easily. That once you're clear on what you want, the path should feel natural, maybe even effortless.

But alignment often feels terrifying at first. You're stepping into a version of yourself that doesn't exist yet. Your identity hasn't caught up to your vision. The gap between who you've been and who you're becoming, that's where the discomfort lives.

Alignment isn't about comfort. It's about coherence. It's knowing where you're going and being willing to walk toward it even when your nervous system is screaming at you to stay put.

Try this:

Notice one place this week where you're clear about what you want but are hesitating to move toward it. Not because you don't know what to do, but because doing it feels uncomfortable.

Ask yourself: Am I spending more energy managing this discomfort than I would spend just moving through it?

Sometimes the cost of staying stuck is higher than the cost of crossing.

This week: Alignment

Most people think alignment means everything flows easily. That once you're clear on what you want, the path should feel natural, maybe even effortless.

But alignment often feels terrifying at first. You're stepping into a version of yourself that doesn't exist yet. Your identity hasn't caught up to your vision. The gap between who you've been and who you're becoming. That's where the discomfort lives.

Alignment isn't about comfort. It's about coherence. It's knowing where you're going and being willing to walk toward it even when your nervous system is screaming at you to stay put.

Try this:

Notice one place this week where you're clear about what you want but are hesitating to move toward it. Not because you don't know what to do, but because doing it feels uncomfortable.

Ask yourself: Am I spending more energy managing this discomfort than I would spend just moving through it?

Sometimes the cost of staying stuck is higher than the cost of crossing.

When you close the gap between who you are and how you lead:

What would you do this week if temporary discomfort wasn't a reason to stop?

I'm in the middle of my own version of this. Next month I'm launching my first monthly webinar series. I booked my first podcast appearance as a guest. These are things I've been working toward, opportunities I genuinely want.

And I'm still nervous. My brain still asks if I belong in those rooms. My nervous system still flags unfamiliarity as threat.

But I'm noticing something: confidence doesn't show up before you cross the bridge. It builds as you cross it. Every time I choose the discomfort of expansion over the comfort of staying small, I prove to myself that I can handle more than I thought. That's how new versions of ourselves get built—not by waiting to feel ready, but by moving anyway.

If you're tired of knowing what you want but staying stuck in the gap between knowing and doing, join me on January 8th for a free live webinar: The Inner Advantage — How to Lead with Clarity When Everything Feels Uncertain.

We'll work through the Identity G.A.P.™ Framework and explore what it actually takes to build momentum from alignment instead of waiting for change to feel comfortable first. This is for leaders who are ready to stop analyzing the bridge and start walking across it.

Reserve your spot here

You're reading The Alignment Edit — weekly insights on building leadership and success from the inside out.

Every issue brings psychology-backed frameworks, honest reflections, and practical tools for high achievers who want clarity, not just productivity.

Shakirah Forde, LCSW
Licensed Therapist | Executive Coach | Alignment Strategist
13+ years supporting leaders through burnout, identity shifts, and aligned decision-making

👉 Work with me: 1:1 Coaching | The Inner Advantage | Speaking
💌 Reply to this email — I read every message
☕ Support this work: Buy me a coffee

Debt happens. Getting out starts here.

Millions of Americans are tackling debt right now.

Whether it’s credit cards, loans, or medical bills, the right plan can help you take control again. Money.com's team researched trusted debt relief programs that actually work.

Answer a few quick questions to find your best path forward and see how much you could save. answer a few short questions, and get your free rate today.

Find your options for free

Forward this to someone building success the hard way.